Okay. I know that I’ve tended to go on and on (and on) of late about how brilliant of a series Showtime’s ‘Dexter’ is and what a transcendent performance Mr. Michael C. Hall brings to the lead character of Dexter Morgan. However, last night as I watched the the thrilling first season finale, the truth hit me like a spiral saw (with a dry diamond cut-off wheel) between the eyes: Michael C. Hall would be the perfect husband. No, wait. I mean he’d be my perfect husband.

Overlooking the obvious–that he’s not gay and he’s currently married (though, if I might be as crass as to mention, in the process of divorcing)–I’m nearly positive that I’m supposed to marry a man as talented, beautiful and deliciously diverting as Mr. Hall. I figure if he’s going to come available in the near future, I might as well put my…uhm…”feelers” out there.

From his stage turn as the emcee in ‘Cabaret’ to his provocative David Fisher on ‘Six Feet Under’, Mr. Hall has proven that can inhabit–and inhibit–a character with something that is quite rare these days: soul.

I suppose one should be rather frightened by the prospect that I find the portrayal of a serial killer as seductive and charming as I do. However, in Dexter Morgan, Michael C. Hall undergoes a transmogrification that is incredibly sublime and nearly impossible to achieve: He slips from the guise of a charming and witty blood spatter forensics analyst to an icy cold and calculating killer in the instantaneous blink of an eye. Moreover, he can pull off that switching of proverbial masks seamlessly–much of the time before you realize it has happened. You cannot but help to keep your eyes glued to every twitch of movement and flicker of emotion that graces Mr. Hall’s face and those intensely seering hazel irises. This role–and the series–would have been so easy to wreck in the hands of a lesser actor. But, Mr. Hall plays Dexter without any attempt to make apologies for his moral ambiguity. He is a gloriously complex and conflicted character that manages to willingly make the audience fall under his spell–no matter his crime(s).

Michael C. Hall’s performance was recently recognized by the Hollywood Foreign Press Association’s recent Golden Globe nominations. If the Emmy voters fail to award his work, I will seriously consider going serial on them.

Yes, I’m in love with a fictional character and an actor who wouldn’t know me from Adam…or Rudy. I’m not proud of the fact. But, if it will make you think better of me, did anyone notice what a beautiful ass this man is graced with on last night’s episode?

So, Michael…Dexter…Michael….Dexter….Mi….Give me a call. I’ll even spring for the Saran wrap and garbage bags. I’m safe, if nothing.

The Best Ensemble Cast on Television 2006

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Other Miscellaneous Proclamations:

01. You MUST purchase the Original Cast Recording of the new musical ‘Spring Awakening’. Based on the infamous 1891 play by Frank Wedekind (’Spring’s Awakening’), the book and lyrics for ‘Spring Awakening’ were written by Steven Sater and the music crafted by Duncan Sheik. The stand-out cast includes Jonathan Groff, John Gallagher, Jr., Lea Michele, Christine Estabrooke, Rob Devaney and Stephen Spinella. It’s bold, sexual, angsty and instantly memorable.

02. The person who I would have voted for was the victor in the 178th season of CBS’s ‘Survivor’. Outwit. Outlast. Outplay. Notice which comes first… (p.s. The runner-up did themself no favors in front of their jury of idiots peers.

03. I’m waiting for one package that should arrive today and I’m officially done with my Christmas shopping.

04. Celibacy does have its merits. Wantonness can be troubling.